UFC War of the Words: Rogan Vs. Goldberg

It is difficult to type with a cast on. I am pretty much limited to six fingers, one of which kind of hurts to use. As I sit here I am imagining all the things I could be typing had I the full faculties of all my digits at my dsiposal. For instance, I have been brewing in my head a forecast and some commentary for a UFC matchup that will probably never play out but would no doubt be as exciting and dramatic as any title fight.

Of course, I am speaking of Rogan vs. Goldberg (for those not in the know, Joe Rogan is a comedian and former host of Fear Factor and Mike Goldberg is a generic sportscaster, they are the commentators of UFC PPV events).

In this matchup, I would bet everything on Rogan, not simply because he trains and participates in MMA but also because I think Joe Rogan can't stand Mike Goldberg. I cannot tell if the dislike is mutual for Goldberg, it seems as though Golberg was hired to add some 'Legitimate' sports commentary to the UFC, and while I've never met Goldberg I can say that I think he's a total cheesebag.

Rogan is a very sharp and critical commentator who has a great depth of knowledge about MMA and fighters. Goldberg however, seems to cover up his lack of thinking ability and knowledge of the sport by saying things very dramatically. I wish I could give a verbatim transcription of Goldberg's comments on the win of Jeff Monson over Anthony Perosh at UFC 62, but the approximation is something like:

"Oh (long pause). . .Jeff Monson. . .has (long pause). . .rained (super long pause) . . .himself. . .into the (long pause) . . .league. . .of (long pause). . .contentions . . .of the (super excited and relieved) Heavy Weight Championship of the World!"

Let's get down to the matchup, shall we?

Goldberg is a bit taller than Rogan, so I imagine there may be a bit of a reach advantage for him, but I'm pretty sure he probably doesn't have much striking power. On the ground, I imagine he could deliver some damage, were he able to get behind his punches, but I doubt Rogan would let that happen. I'll give him a dirty boxing advantage, simply because he deserves a chance, and I don't want to say that I count him out of the fight because of his blathering.

Rogan I feel would probably be able to knock him out in the first moments of the first round, not simply because he trains but also because, as I stated before, I think he's got a bit of a chip on his shoulder that he's got to work with the guy. I mean seriously, Rogan has an acute wit and a natural educated viewpoint on fighting and Goldberg always sounds like he's trying to keep up with him.

I interviewed my wife on the subject of this matchup. . . here's what she had to say:

UFCw: What do you think of Mike Goldberg?

W: I don't know who that is.

UFCw: He's the UFC commentator that's not Joe Rogan or Randy "the Natural."

W: Oh. Uhm I think he's very monotone with his excitement.

UFCw: That's an interesting analysis, how do you think he would fare in a fight against Joe Rogan?

W: I don't remember who Mike Goldberg is.

UFCw: I just told you like 1 second ago.

W: Oh, oh, I think he would be knocked out in the first thirty seven seconds.

UFCw: So you'd go with Rogan for the win then?

W: Yes.

UFCw: Do you think there is any personal friction between Rogan and Goldberg?

W: Of course! Everytime Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan talk to the camera and Mike G. says something, Joe Rogan always rolls his eyes, like who is this guy? Okay, we gotta be at this BBQ at 2:30. Can I go get ready?

UFCw: Who's asking the questions here?

At this point my interview subject stormed out of my journalism office to change into BBQ attire and my secretary informed me that the White Stripes had arrived for their interview. I now must devote my entire attention to them as I hear that Mr. White is prone to violent outbursts when he is kept waiting.