UFC Lightweight Challenge: Malone Vs. Refrigerator

Oh gosh. I have a story. Yesterday, I may have learned a valuable lesson about Jesus. After my post lambasting Matt Hughes' religious Zealotry on his website, I was walking around my office when suddenly, after a phone conversation that did not go my way, I punched a refrigerator, very, very hard. Since the refrigerator provoked me, I do not feel like a bully in any way. However I would say that the refrigerator took the punch a little better than my hand did.

Yes, unfortunately I am serious.

Now, in fact, I am racing to finish this post so that I can go receive medical care, which is seeming absolutely neccesary now, after 24 hours of swelling and throbbing. I am now typing with one hand even. Hopefully they will give me some painkillers and an x ray and tell me it'll be okay but I think that I will have a hard time keeping my head up as I inform the staff at the hospital what happened. The refrigerator has not sought any professional care but has been smart enough to remain silent since the incident.

Yes, I am crazy. And yes, the day before yesterday I watched a youtube video of "the Iceman" Chuck Liddell giving instructions on how to imitate his enormous side-arm strikes. Did I go sidearm against the Frigidaire? I think so, but when I landed it and threw up an nearly passed out, I hhad forgotten which weapon in my arsenal I had used. But I knew the refrigerator learned its lesson. Lethal Delivery: Postage Prepaid.

Anyways, join the world today in looking down on my ridiculous self-inflicted injury as I apologize to all of you to whom I am a role model.

Also, one of my readers asked yesterday if I grapple. The answer is a resounding no. I am, as I termed myself, one of the most dangerous sit-down typers in the sport, but that's where my participation ends (though that's not what my refrigerator would tell you).

UFC 2007 The Crusades: Hughes Vs. Christ

I just visited www.matt-hughes.com/blog.html and was inspired to start a blog of my own. In his most recent post, Matt Hughes responds to a speech he heard at a Promise Keepers convention. I do not know much about the Promise Keepers other than that they are all male and seemingly really into Jesus.

I'm not too stoked on Jesus. Actually, that's not true; Jesus I don't mind-- its his followers that bug me.

Jesus is credited for doing some amazing things but I have a foul taste in my mouth about the mess he created in the world. I think the foul taste is from blood. His messages were of peace, love and understanding, which are all universally beautiful things. But it is rare today to find someone who is as into Jesus as they are into peace, love and understanding. In fact when I think of the modern Christian all I think of is American Flags and large vehicles.

Enter Matt Hughes. 9 time welterweight champ in the UFC.

WOW!! This guy!! Were it not for his outspoken views regarding the war and christianity, Hughes would definitely be my favorite UFC fighter. He defended his belt with such grace (and even beat a Gracie) and compsure that you'd think he really was in touch with some divine source. But if you think for a minute about this divine source you might wonder why the divine source has him kicking ass in the Octagon instead of working at some soup kitchen* (which he may actually do, I don't know) or at a library or something. Matt Hughes, Hummer driver and Bush supporter, I am sorry to say, is the modern face of the lost messages of Christianity.

The tenets of the bible and the Christian faith pretty much say that leading a Christ-like existence is the point of Christian life and the (imaginary) lake of fire awaits those who do not heed the messages of this brutal yet everloving god. Well, Matt I must ask, how many times did Jesus defend his belt? You are aware that if we were to make an analogy of the world today and the world at the time of the new Testament that America would be the new Rome, right? You know that Jesus never won anything in his life and that if he hadn't been the committed loser that he was that there would be NO CHRISTIANITY? The growth and dominance of the American Empire doesn't have any equal in history except for that of the Jesus-Crucifying Roman Empire.

And while we're making analogies, if we were to compare the story of the Passion with a UFC title fight, we'd find something pretty alarming--that Jesus threw the fight. Ever think of that?

God (the Xyience of the Bible) said, you gotta die, you can't fight back and Jesus was like, "ok, you're God, I guess you know best" and then died like the meek little loser that he was told to be.

Matt, as a champion, you'd never throw a fight would you? Even if Xyience said you had to?

I only wonder because I don't like to see the Octagon turned into a Church of Jesus everytime you win a fight the same way a Churchgoer probably wouldn't want you to get on the altar during a Sermon and start talking about how you're going to turn Matt Serra's face into dogfood (which I incidentally hope you do, that guy is a clown). Your faith is charming and I bet if you put as much time into thinking about the actual Jesus vs. the 7-11 Jesus that they sell at Promise Keepers conventions, you'd probably realize that starting "The Ultimate Church of Hughes" would make you more Christ-like than saying things like "I fully support this war and our President" (www.matt-hughes.com).

Imagine Jesus in this day and age. . . he probably wouldn't have a cell phone and I bet he'd think the UFC was pretty disturbing because, like everyone, Jesus was a person, and (get ready for a generalization, my apologies to those to whom this does not apply) people are generally disturbed by human violence. In fact its my being disturbed that makes me such a fan of the UFC. I think its a bit sick, truthfully, but I like entertainment and being entertained. And fighters like Matt Hughes are the most incredibly entertaining performers in the world, hands-down.

At the end of the day, I will always choose the UFC over Jesus for 1 reason. . . there is no misconstruing its message. When Bruce Buffer speaks, he speaks only the truth as defined by the Judges, the Refs and the Fighters. There is no debate and no aftermath. Maybe if Jesus had stepped into the Octagon with Pilate the world would be a better place--maybe I'd believe in Jesus as much as I believe in Hughes. But as for you Matt, I think you should start whistling a different tune or at least show up to my house in your Hummer and kick my ass, like the true gladiator you are.

*After some research I found out that Hughes donates money to an orphanage/school in Mexico. I wonder if he's thought about how much United States Foreign Policy has influenced those poor little kids' existence of if he thinks God just put them there to learn about suffering.