The Ultimate Fighter 6.2: Team Hughes=Team Esther?

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I can't say I hate Matt Hughes, but I can't say I love him either. For those of you who don't watch The Ultimate Fighter (wednesdays on spike, you're missing out) I will bring you a little up to speed.

My favorite fighter and my favorite fighter to rag on is Matt Hughes. He is from Illinois, my home state and he was the 9 time UFC Welterweight Champ. He is an awesome fighter, but his constant spewing of Christian cockamamie whenever he takes his mouthguard out is kind of a major existential drag. Anyways, he's coaching one of the two teams on The Ultimate Fighter. The other team is coached by Matt Serra, the current Welterweight Champ. This week on the show, Team Hughes was encouraged by their coach to read the Book of Esther and then tell him which character in said book reminded them of their coach.

COME ON!!

As if that wasn't ridiculous enough, the character he chose to be identified with was that of the book's namesake, Esther. This is how wikipedia breaks down her role in the story:

"Esther saves the day for her people: at the risk of endangering her own safety, she warns Ahasuerus of Haman's plot to kill all the Jews."

He made them read the bible so they would all tell him that he was some kind of "Save all the people" types and then, pretty much verbatim says:

"You know, I'm just that kind of person, I help people. I could go work at a nursing home."

I really have no argument with Hughes' spirituality and choice of herd. But I was pissed that I had to take time away from the only television show I watch in order to glorify himself in his own mind and to make sure that his team agreed with him about how great he is. Especially when he uses Christianity to do it. When will these Jesus people start hearing themselves?

Which brings me to my next point: Mac Danzig is my favorite fighter since George St. Pierre. I haven't seen him fight other than his last performance on the Ultimate Fighter against Joe Scarola, but its not really his fighting that makes me like him. Its mostly because he speaks diplomatically at all times, slept when Hughes handed everybody bibles and most importantly is a VEGAN. I truly hope that he wins this season just so a few people can get into his dietary routine. The food industry entirely, but the Meat and Dairy industries particularly, should be under harsh scrutiny at all times, being a vegan frees you from the fear of not knowing what you're putting in your body. I can go on, but I rail on Hughes for bringing his ethics into the UFC too much so I won't do it. Suffice it to say:

Down with Esther, Up with Danzig!

UFC 76: Paging Mr. Liddell, Mr. Liddell, Please Report to The Octagon

Hello Sportsfans!
First, I must apologize for not posting in over 20 days. My rock stardom/broken hand have seriously interfered with my bloggery and I am sincerely sorry for depriving you of my wit for the past few weeks.

But Seriously. . .

Chuck Liddell's 'performance' at UFC 76 and his consequent decision loss to the "Dean of Mean" Keith Jardine has had me feeling sick for the past 15 hours. Liddell seemed to have taken his prior loss to Quinton "Rampage" Jackson straight to the Club instead of back to the Pit where he could have improved his game. Rather, the Chuck Liddell that fought last night brought none of his trademark Liddell-ism with him. Instead of engaging Jardine in the game of cat and mouse that has worked so well for him against the toughest fighters in the division (draw a punch, return with 50 on the rebound, hunt etc.), Liddell seemed throughout the entire fight to be saving something, which, until the last :20 of Round 3, I really thought he was going to let loose.

But alas, Iceman, you saved us nothing.

There is no disrespect to Jardine here but the statistics had him as a big underdog. Lidell's beaten Tito, Randy (except for that one time) and Babalu (may his contract RIP) very definitively so why then was this relatively inexperienced young fighter, who's also coming off a recent loss to Houston Alexander able to dominate the way he did last night? Only the Iceman knows and if it weren't for the fact that this is his second straight loss, I'd say he'll just head back over to Hackleman's and recreate his technique, but this does not bode well for the former Champ. Will he still get the Silva fight? Will he fight Forrest? What is going on?

UFC Wits readers, I promise I will do my best to explain this shocking loss. . . Until next time, I'll see you at octagonside.

UFC War of the Words: Rogan Vs. Goldberg

It is difficult to type with a cast on. I am pretty much limited to six fingers, one of which kind of hurts to use. As I sit here I am imagining all the things I could be typing had I the full faculties of all my digits at my dsiposal. For instance, I have been brewing in my head a forecast and some commentary for a UFC matchup that will probably never play out but would no doubt be as exciting and dramatic as any title fight.

Of course, I am speaking of Rogan vs. Goldberg (for those not in the know, Joe Rogan is a comedian and former host of Fear Factor and Mike Goldberg is a generic sportscaster, they are the commentators of UFC PPV events).

In this matchup, I would bet everything on Rogan, not simply because he trains and participates in MMA but also because I think Joe Rogan can't stand Mike Goldberg. I cannot tell if the dislike is mutual for Goldberg, it seems as though Golberg was hired to add some 'Legitimate' sports commentary to the UFC, and while I've never met Goldberg I can say that I think he's a total cheesebag.

Rogan is a very sharp and critical commentator who has a great depth of knowledge about MMA and fighters. Goldberg however, seems to cover up his lack of thinking ability and knowledge of the sport by saying things very dramatically. I wish I could give a verbatim transcription of Goldberg's comments on the win of Jeff Monson over Anthony Perosh at UFC 62, but the approximation is something like:

"Oh (long pause). . .Jeff Monson. . .has (long pause). . .rained (super long pause) . . .himself. . .into the (long pause) . . .league. . .of (long pause). . .contentions . . .of the (super excited and relieved) Heavy Weight Championship of the World!"

Let's get down to the matchup, shall we?

Goldberg is a bit taller than Rogan, so I imagine there may be a bit of a reach advantage for him, but I'm pretty sure he probably doesn't have much striking power. On the ground, I imagine he could deliver some damage, were he able to get behind his punches, but I doubt Rogan would let that happen. I'll give him a dirty boxing advantage, simply because he deserves a chance, and I don't want to say that I count him out of the fight because of his blathering.

Rogan I feel would probably be able to knock him out in the first moments of the first round, not simply because he trains but also because, as I stated before, I think he's got a bit of a chip on his shoulder that he's got to work with the guy. I mean seriously, Rogan has an acute wit and a natural educated viewpoint on fighting and Goldberg always sounds like he's trying to keep up with him.

I interviewed my wife on the subject of this matchup. . . here's what she had to say:

UFCw: What do you think of Mike Goldberg?

W: I don't know who that is.

UFCw: He's the UFC commentator that's not Joe Rogan or Randy "the Natural."

W: Oh. Uhm I think he's very monotone with his excitement.

UFCw: That's an interesting analysis, how do you think he would fare in a fight against Joe Rogan?

W: I don't remember who Mike Goldberg is.

UFCw: I just told you like 1 second ago.

W: Oh, oh, I think he would be knocked out in the first thirty seven seconds.

UFCw: So you'd go with Rogan for the win then?

W: Yes.

UFCw: Do you think there is any personal friction between Rogan and Goldberg?

W: Of course! Everytime Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan talk to the camera and Mike G. says something, Joe Rogan always rolls his eyes, like who is this guy? Okay, we gotta be at this BBQ at 2:30. Can I go get ready?

UFCw: Who's asking the questions here?

At this point my interview subject stormed out of my journalism office to change into BBQ attire and my secretary informed me that the White Stripes had arrived for their interview. I now must devote my entire attention to them as I hear that Mr. White is prone to violent outbursts when he is kept waiting.

UFC Lightweight Challenge: Malone Vs. Refrigerator

Oh gosh. I have a story. Yesterday, I may have learned a valuable lesson about Jesus. After my post lambasting Matt Hughes' religious Zealotry on his website, I was walking around my office when suddenly, after a phone conversation that did not go my way, I punched a refrigerator, very, very hard. Since the refrigerator provoked me, I do not feel like a bully in any way. However I would say that the refrigerator took the punch a little better than my hand did.

Yes, unfortunately I am serious.

Now, in fact, I am racing to finish this post so that I can go receive medical care, which is seeming absolutely neccesary now, after 24 hours of swelling and throbbing. I am now typing with one hand even. Hopefully they will give me some painkillers and an x ray and tell me it'll be okay but I think that I will have a hard time keeping my head up as I inform the staff at the hospital what happened. The refrigerator has not sought any professional care but has been smart enough to remain silent since the incident.

Yes, I am crazy. And yes, the day before yesterday I watched a youtube video of "the Iceman" Chuck Liddell giving instructions on how to imitate his enormous side-arm strikes. Did I go sidearm against the Frigidaire? I think so, but when I landed it and threw up an nearly passed out, I hhad forgotten which weapon in my arsenal I had used. But I knew the refrigerator learned its lesson. Lethal Delivery: Postage Prepaid.

Anyways, join the world today in looking down on my ridiculous self-inflicted injury as I apologize to all of you to whom I am a role model.

Also, one of my readers asked yesterday if I grapple. The answer is a resounding no. I am, as I termed myself, one of the most dangerous sit-down typers in the sport, but that's where my participation ends (though that's not what my refrigerator would tell you).

UFC 2007 The Crusades: Hughes Vs. Christ

I just visited www.matt-hughes.com/blog.html and was inspired to start a blog of my own. In his most recent post, Matt Hughes responds to a speech he heard at a Promise Keepers convention. I do not know much about the Promise Keepers other than that they are all male and seemingly really into Jesus.

I'm not too stoked on Jesus. Actually, that's not true; Jesus I don't mind-- its his followers that bug me.

Jesus is credited for doing some amazing things but I have a foul taste in my mouth about the mess he created in the world. I think the foul taste is from blood. His messages were of peace, love and understanding, which are all universally beautiful things. But it is rare today to find someone who is as into Jesus as they are into peace, love and understanding. In fact when I think of the modern Christian all I think of is American Flags and large vehicles.

Enter Matt Hughes. 9 time welterweight champ in the UFC.

WOW!! This guy!! Were it not for his outspoken views regarding the war and christianity, Hughes would definitely be my favorite UFC fighter. He defended his belt with such grace (and even beat a Gracie) and compsure that you'd think he really was in touch with some divine source. But if you think for a minute about this divine source you might wonder why the divine source has him kicking ass in the Octagon instead of working at some soup kitchen* (which he may actually do, I don't know) or at a library or something. Matt Hughes, Hummer driver and Bush supporter, I am sorry to say, is the modern face of the lost messages of Christianity.

The tenets of the bible and the Christian faith pretty much say that leading a Christ-like existence is the point of Christian life and the (imaginary) lake of fire awaits those who do not heed the messages of this brutal yet everloving god. Well, Matt I must ask, how many times did Jesus defend his belt? You are aware that if we were to make an analogy of the world today and the world at the time of the new Testament that America would be the new Rome, right? You know that Jesus never won anything in his life and that if he hadn't been the committed loser that he was that there would be NO CHRISTIANITY? The growth and dominance of the American Empire doesn't have any equal in history except for that of the Jesus-Crucifying Roman Empire.

And while we're making analogies, if we were to compare the story of the Passion with a UFC title fight, we'd find something pretty alarming--that Jesus threw the fight. Ever think of that?

God (the Xyience of the Bible) said, you gotta die, you can't fight back and Jesus was like, "ok, you're God, I guess you know best" and then died like the meek little loser that he was told to be.

Matt, as a champion, you'd never throw a fight would you? Even if Xyience said you had to?

I only wonder because I don't like to see the Octagon turned into a Church of Jesus everytime you win a fight the same way a Churchgoer probably wouldn't want you to get on the altar during a Sermon and start talking about how you're going to turn Matt Serra's face into dogfood (which I incidentally hope you do, that guy is a clown). Your faith is charming and I bet if you put as much time into thinking about the actual Jesus vs. the 7-11 Jesus that they sell at Promise Keepers conventions, you'd probably realize that starting "The Ultimate Church of Hughes" would make you more Christ-like than saying things like "I fully support this war and our President" (www.matt-hughes.com).

Imagine Jesus in this day and age. . . he probably wouldn't have a cell phone and I bet he'd think the UFC was pretty disturbing because, like everyone, Jesus was a person, and (get ready for a generalization, my apologies to those to whom this does not apply) people are generally disturbed by human violence. In fact its my being disturbed that makes me such a fan of the UFC. I think its a bit sick, truthfully, but I like entertainment and being entertained. And fighters like Matt Hughes are the most incredibly entertaining performers in the world, hands-down.

At the end of the day, I will always choose the UFC over Jesus for 1 reason. . . there is no misconstruing its message. When Bruce Buffer speaks, he speaks only the truth as defined by the Judges, the Refs and the Fighters. There is no debate and no aftermath. Maybe if Jesus had stepped into the Octagon with Pilate the world would be a better place--maybe I'd believe in Jesus as much as I believe in Hughes. But as for you Matt, I think you should start whistling a different tune or at least show up to my house in your Hummer and kick my ass, like the true gladiator you are.

*After some research I found out that Hughes donates money to an orphanage/school in Mexico. I wonder if he's thought about how much United States Foreign Policy has influenced those poor little kids' existence of if he thinks God just put them there to learn about suffering.